


Predestination

by Twizzletwit



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Temporal Paradox, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 17:52:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twizzletwit/pseuds/Twizzletwit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is paying for something he hasn't even done yet, forced to spend every day trying to save McCoy and failing every time. As he starts to lose his sanity, struggling to deal with watching Bones die, time and time again, he gets the smallest glimpse of hope from one, very clever, Vulcan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first stab at a multi-chapter story. I have the plan in my head and am already halfway through chapter three at this point, hopefully this one continues to write itself for me.
> 
> It's unbeta'd, probably a little rough but I hope you enjoy my scribbles.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)

Predestination.

Chapter one.

He didn't have long, the corridors seemed to stretch on forever and were leading him no closer to McCoy. The device strapped to his wrist bleeped at him and he cursed as he rounded the next corner.

"Attention all hands, intruder alert. Security to deck seven." Uhura calmly stated, professionally formal but he knew her too well and the slight panic he could hear almost went unnoticed. Kirk hissed as the ship lurched to the left, throwing him onto his injured shoulder. Scrambling to keep his feet beneath him as he raced toward sickbay, the familiar sounds of metal twisting and muffled explosions met his ears. But he couldn't concern himself with that, not now. Now, his priority was Bones.

Two red-shirted security officers stepped into his view, and into his way. They stopped short, stiffening at the sight of their captain. "Sir!"

Kirk pointed ahead of him, nodding urgently. "Sickbay, now!"

The two officers jumped, falling in line with their commanding officer as he continued his route. The next turn showed the sliding doors of Sickbay ahead, the sounds of screaming and a commotion coming from within. He didn't hesitate, even as the device beeped again, louder and more insistant. He slid to a stop as the ship rocked again, the doors hissing open automatically. Stepping inside, his eyes widened at the chaos. 

Nurses and patients alike, sprawled along the floor, the cries and whimpers of pain filling his ears. Biobeds sat empty, equipment littered the ground and in the centre of it all was Bones. His CMO fought with their intruder, grunting and yelling as the armour-clad man wrestled for control of his weapon. Bones, smaller and less protected, gave everything he had to hold off his attacker, protecting as many of his charges as he could.

Chapel screamed and Kirk moved. He barralled into the intruder, arms wrapping around him and slamming him into the ground. He vaguely heard Bones breathe out sharply, could see him fall away but he couldn't look around without dealing with this man first.

"You're too late." The man hissed, sneering with disdain at Kirk as he threw his jaw out in contempt. "Life for a life."

Kirk growled, slamming his fist into the man's face and shaking him violently. "Not this time, you son of a bitch."

"Doctor McCoy!" Chapel yelled, and Kirk paled as his heart sank. The man, blood pouring from his nose, started to laugh gleefully.

"Put pressure on the wound!"

"Doctor McCoy, just hold on. Breathe..."

"His pulse is dropping..."

"Bones!"

Kirk's head dropped, the grip on their attacker loosening as another cry pierced the room. He realised, belatedly, that it was his own. Not his, but his nonetheless. He let the man go, too heartbroken to care, too shattered to stop him from phasing out right beneath him. Kirk's head fell to the cold, metallic floor. Hating himself for being too slow again, hating himself for not being able to turn and see the man he loved dead on the floor again. Unable to watch himself cradle his dead lover, rocking as the tears fall.

Kirk couldn't go through all of that again.

The bracelet beeped one final time, just as regulation boots stopped by his head. With tears glistening in his sight, he looked up and frowned, mouth curling in regret, pain and defeat. Spock's head tilted to the side, eyebrow raising in curiosity.

"I'm sorry." Kirk said, hands fisting on the floor beneath him. "I'm so sorry."

Spock crouched low, resting his forearms on his knees. "Who are you?"

Kirk laughed morbidly. Head falling away from Spock's gaze. "A failure."

Before Spock could question him further, Kirk saw him and everything else fade away. 

***

Kirk blinked awake, looking around the barely lit room before turning to his side. As always, Bones lay sleeping, blissfully unaware of Jim's personal hell. On the verge of more tears, he reached out and stroked the stubbled chin, smiling fondly as Bones leaned into his touch.

Bones hummed, a smile slowly forming as his eyes opened and focused on Jim. "Morning, Darlin'."

Jim leaned forward, catching Bones softly on the lips and languishing in a sensitive kiss. Bones reached out, wrapping an arm around Jim's shoulders and tugging him close. Jim rolled willingly with the move, sliding over his lover's body and pulling him tight against him. He didn't want to let go, couldn't take another day of loss and pain, couldn't stand to see any more of Bones' blood on his hands. If he could relive one moment, it would be this. Forever, an eternity of this and he would never change it. Bones alive and well, happy and content and just... living.

"What's the matter?" Bones said, pulling away and gazing into Jim's eyes with a frown. "Jim, what's wrong?"

Jim huffed, resigned to the repetitiveness. He's said it before, so many times and each time it just gets harder. Each time, Jim has tried a different answer; the truth, a lie, a distraction, sex. Each time doesn't hurt any less.

"I'm fine." He says finally, faking a playful smile and licking his dry lips. "Let's take a day off, call in sick. What do you think?"

He asks it every time, and the answer is always the same.

Bones laughs. "Captain's perogative, huh? You and I both know, we've got work to do."

Bones is pulling away from him, rolling out from beneath him and moving to sit up. Jim can't stand it and tries to tug him back into bed but Bones is laughing it off. "Jim, come on. I've got to get ready."

"I mean it, Bones." He replies, still holding on. He knows how far he can go before he ruins Bones' mood, so he keeps pushing, hoping that this time is different. He shuffles to the side of the bed, wrapping his arms around Bones' waist and kissing at his bare stomach. Bones reaches around to stroke his shoulders and run his fingers through Jim's hair, leaning down to kiss his head.

"We have time." Jim tries carefully, nuzzling his nose into the hair that's trailing down behind the band of Bones' briefs.

Bones chuckles. "You're forgetting about the clean up afterwards." But he's already dropping to his knees, bringing himself level with Jim.

"I love you." Jim whispers, his head dropping to rest against Bones' shoulder. He brushes his nose upwards, gliding and inhaling, sniffing heavily at his neck and shuddering with memories. When Bones tips his head to the side and gives him more access, Jim lunges forward, curling around him, kissing and nipping at his neck. He can feel Bones responding, his hands running up and down Jim's back, caressing and clawing as he presses forward into more of Jim's space.

Jim leans back, taking Bones with him. Watching as Bones glides along the length of his body and taking his turn to nuzzle into Jim's neck. Jim slides his hands down, feeling the rigid muscle flex with his touch. He dips his fingers into the band of Bones' briefs, slow and tentative at first, feeling Bones clench and relax as he girates on top of him. Jim growls, moving quickly to grab Bones' ass with both hands and squeeze, Bones just stiffens and moans, lifting his hips, silently asking for more.

"Jim." Bones breathes, hand running down his chest and into Jim's own briefs. Bones grips his erection, pumping as best he could in his position, running his thumb over the head of Jim's cock and down again.

Jim shudders again, hands speeding up as they caress Bones' ass, fingers teasing their way further inwards. 

"God, I love you." Bones whispers, nipping at Jim's ear and pulling away to stare at Jim with those eyes. Jim tries not to sob, tries not to let the eyes that love him and want him reduce him to tears. So full of love and desire, live and warm but soon to be cold and dead. He can't stop it as his chest tightens and he gives in, letting out a shaky, painful breath and just draws Bones in close again. 

Bones wraps his arms around him, holds him just as tight and he knows Bones is getting worried. "Jim, what is it?"

"Stay here, with me. Just stay."

"Jim." Bones tries to pull away but Jim's hold is relentless. "Jim, maybe we should go to Sickbay, let me take a look at you."

"No!" The outburst startles Bones and he's tearing himself away, pushing up and frowning down at Jim in concern. Jim shakes his head, knowing how futile it is and letting his eyes slip shut. Bones never understands at first, and those times are always the shortest. He always lasts longer when Jim plays the game, denials and misdirection keeping him alive just long enough for Jim to tell him how he truly feels. "Please, just don't ask me anything. Just, trust me. Everything's fine, it'll always be fine, I promise."

Bones smiles nervously, covering it well by looking down the lithe body beneath him and stroking Jim's heated skin. He's understandably confused, willing to give Jim the benefit of the doubt. But Jim knows that it's bullshit, he knows it's not okay, that Bones will be dead before the end of the day. 

tbc


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the Kudos, Comments, Subscriptions and Bookmarks. It's nice to know that there are people out there who think this is a worthy enough story for such complements. 
> 
> So far, I have just finished writing chapter four and need to read through both that and chapter three before I can post them. My work is unbeta'd so I apologise for any mistakes.
> 
> Thank you for continuing to read my scribbles. :)

Jim blinks away the fog, the muffled sounds growing clearer and more defined as his vision rights itself. He's back in the corridor, deck seven, Sickbay too far away. The bracelet beeps at him and his heart begins to pump faster, the ship rocking as she is attacked once again. 

He knows it's futile and all but contemplates just standing still, willing to let this one play out on its own. Willing to let Bones die without him just so he can selfishly save himself from the pain this time around. But he can't because he knows he would never forgive himself, there was always a chance, always hope that, just once, he would get it right and they would both walk away unscathed. 

Jim's running again, racing through the same halls, injuring his shoulder on that same panel that explodes to his left and showers him in glass. He expects the pain and brushes it off, knowing what is coming and understanding that he is powerless to do a damn thing about it. But he continues on, living just to fight this, to try and beat a hell that is truly a no-win scenario. 

He never wins and Bones always dies. 

Uhura's voice fills the corridor, personnel staggering about him as they rush to their stations. He ignores them all, continuing on and pleading for this time to be the last. It is futile, he knows that it will never end and he will keep going because if he stops trying to save Bones, then what's the point in living any more? Bones wouldn't stop, he would die trying because Bones is a better man than Jim Kirk will ever be. Hell, the man brought him back from the dead, for Christ's sake. Refusing even then to give up on him, battling death itself and pushing it back. No, Jim would never give up.

The corridor seemed to stretch for miles, never ending and forever too long. He rounded another bend, and again almost colliding with the two security officers that came out of the side door, gesturing them, once again, toward Sickbay. They were never any help, always there, but useless to save Bones from dying. Every time he saw their faces, he tried not to resent them for never being able to help but, ultimately, it was never their fault. Only his, always his.

Once again, the screams from Sickbay filled his ears, the banging and crashing of equipment falling to the deck, grunts of a fight. Jim threw himself through the door, bounding across the room and knocking into the armoured man. He could hear Bones call his name, see him stagger backwards and his mistake had already been made. The man rolled away and pounced at McCoy, a sharp, vicious dagger sweeping for the kill. Bones sidestepped and for a moment Jim felt his heart flutter in hope, watching all of his CMO's combat and survival training kicking in. Bones ducked, throwing his body forward to tuck under the man and lift him from his feet. The man yelled in frustration as Bones threw him over his shoulder and onto the ground, quickly backing away and looking to Kirk for help.

Jim didn't waste the opportunity, snatching up the blade and lunging for his target. If he could kill him, this just might be over. If he could have just a second to put this to an end and this day can move forward, Bones would live and Jim's hell would finally be over.

They wrestled for control, Jim and the man, fighting for all they were worth and giving nothing away. A stalemate, neither gaining ground. He could see Bones stepping forward, a hypospray in hand and Kirk felt panic smash him in the face.

"No! Bones, stay back!"

The man had his advantage, twisting Kirk in his grip and pulling Jim back to his chest. Bones halted in front of him, a step away and staring with wide eyes as the man behind Jim began to laugh. And the bracelet began to beep again.

"Jim." Bones whispered carefully, eyes locked on the two men. The man behind him turned his head, lips close to Jim's ear as he hisses.

"I always win."

An explosion echoed through the ship as the floor beneath their feet tilted violently, pushing the man and Jim forward. Bones had barely enough time to gasp as Jim cried out in pain, defeat and despair. The terrible feeling of his body pinned between the two men and the nauseating sound of metal ripping through flesh.

Bones' eyes widened, body tightening with pain and shock. The man behind Jim fell away, laughing in sickening glee. But Jim ignored him, instead holding on to Bones and shaking his head, mouth hanging open in disbelief as they crumpled to the floor.

"I'm sorry," Jim begged, cradling Bones to him as he stared into his eyes. Bones could only focus on Jim, shocked at the fate he had been dealt. Stunned into silence as he lay there bleeding out, Bones reached up to brush his fingers over Jim's cheek, silent forgiveness that had Jim whimpering. Then his hand was falling away as his eyes slipped shut and his last breath left his chest.

"No." Kirk sobbed, rocking with Bones' lifeless body lovingly cradled against his own. This had never happened. With each time, each agonising, terrifying loop, Bones had never died at his hand. He had done everything he could to save him, never once putting a scratch on him and now he had been the one to kill him. Jim had killed Bones.

The man behind him continued to laugh, cackling even as the Sickbay doors hissed open and Jim knew what he would hear.

And suddenly he wasn't holding Bones anymore, now he stood to the side, staring dejectedly at Jim Kirk cradling his dead lover. He had to force himself to draw a breath in, his mind too stunned to even breathe as he watched Spock stare at him, puzzled.

"Who are you?" Spock asks, again, always.

And Jim answers the same, every time, always the same. "A failure." He replies as the bracelet beeps finally, tearing Jim away from this ultimate hell.

***

Jim doesn't wake up softly this time, his eyes are flying open and he's rushing for the bathroom to hurl violently into the toilet. He can hear the concerned voice of Bones, panicked at Jim's sudden move and following after him. He's coughing, heaving and expelling whatever it was he had for dinner yesterday. He can't even remember what he had, it was so long ago.

"Jim?" Bones is crouching alongside him, a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine." Jim replies as he leans back and wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. He hauls himself to his feet, reaching to wash his face and trying his hardest to not look at Bones. He can't face him, can't see the trust in Bones' eyes and know that he is only going to be let down over and over again. "Just a bad dream. Scared me a little."

"A bad dream?" Bones asks, skeptically. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No." Jim replies, and it takes a mammoth effort not to sob the word out.

"I'll get you some water." Bones stands, disappears from the room and comes back moments later, holding out a glass. "Drink this."

As Jim complies, Bones is scanning him with his medical tricorder. He's frowning in that way that Jim likes, the confused look that has a hint of rebellion about it. Like Bones is going to take this mystery and kick it in the ass.

"Jim."

"I'm fine, Bones. Really, it's alright."

"No, Jim." Bones replies, shuffling closer and holding the tricorder higher as he reads from it. "Look at this."

Jim frowns, lowering the glass to the floor and reaching out to cup his hand around Bones' own. He turns the device, taking Bones' hand along with it. Takes a look at the display and then blinks stupidly.

"Is that what I think it is?" Bones is shuffling to accommodate Jim's hold on him, forcing him to sit alongside Jim as the man frowns.

Temporal energy.

"You time travelling and not telling anyone, Jim?" It was meant to be a joke but the only thing that Jim can do is laugh at the absurdity. He'd been stuck in this loop for so long that he had no clue how long it had been. At first, he had been too stunned to try and keep track, focusing solely on trying to save Bones and stop these loops from happening. After a while he started to count and only ever managed to reach high double digits before that man upped the stakes and killed Bones more colourfully. 

It didn't matter what that damn tricorder said, it didn't change the outcome. But Bones is pressing the issue, studying the readings and pointing. "I've never seen that before." He says as he pulls his had free and grips Jim's wrist. He focuses the tricoder on it, frowning again. "How can temporal energy be so concentrated in one place? It's like your wrist is..."

Jim wrenches his hand free, staring at Bones wild-eyed. He can see the suspicion in Bones' expression, and it hurts him even more, because he knows now, knows something isn't right and Jim is keeping secrets from Bones.

But by the end of the day, Bones will die, be reborn and forget any of this ever happened. And Jim wants to cry, because he can't keep doing this, but he can't make it stop. And, more importantly, he keeps fighting the inevitable because he owes it to Bones to try. He can't give up, and he won't. He just needs to find the key to all of this, the one thing that will help him fight and win. 

Easier said than done, he thinks bitterly.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge, HUGE thank you goes to **JenTheSweetie** for being a fantastic Beta reader. Her positive comments and gentle corrections are wonderfully encouraging. Thank you, Jen! :)
> 
> As always, thank you for all of the kudos, bookmarks, comments and subscriptions to this story. It's greatly appreciated. :)

The bracelet beeps, the ship rocks, Uhura informs the crew of the intruder and Kirk is running. The same thing plays out again and again, Jim can feel his sanity slipping away with each loop and all he can do is hold on to the mornings, hold on to the only time in the loops when it's just him and Bones, the two of them alone and unguarded. The nakedness of the Captain and CMO, before they start their shifts, before anyone else needs them outside of each other. Jim and Leonard, not Captain and Doctor.

Jim runs, and it is with a heavy heart as he races toward the inevitable. The door to his side opens and, instead of the two security officers, it's Spock who steps through. Jim staggers to a halt, staring, perplexed. "Spock?"

"You are not the Captain." Spock is supporting himself against the wall as the ship lurches, face blank and waiting for Kirk to explain. Jim simply shakes his head in amazement, wondering how Spock is here instead of following the routine of being the other Kirk's shadow as he walks into Sickbay.

"I am." Kirk replies, standing tall and refusing to be mistaken. "Just not your Captain, not yet."

Spock's eyebrow, predictably, jumps high on his forehead. "Elaborate."

"I don't have time." Jim insists, trying to sidestep as he shakes his head in refusal. Spock merely snags his arm and pulls him back.

"Time, I believe, is something you have in abundance."

Jim stalls, staring incredulously at Spock as the Vulcan remains motionless. "How do you know?" he whispers, stepping close and staring into those dark eyes. "How can you possibly know?"

"I do not," Spock replies, "I cannot account for the echoes that I am seeing about the ship, sounds and glimpses of you and another man. He wears armor that I have never seen before, but is human in appearance."

Jim suddenly feels a weight lifting from his heart, hope that he was starting to think was completely gone, returning with Spock's words. Jim grabs ahold of that hope, grips Spock's arms like a crazed man. "Spock, listen to me. McCoy is going to die, this time, this moment. There's nothing I can do and I keep trying but every time I fail. Please try to remember, please. Save Bones, don't let him be alone right now, this is important. This exact stardate, Bones will die."

The bracelet begins to beep and Jim releases his hold on Spock, stepping away taking a deep, shuddering breath. 

Stopping to talk to Spock had meant he had missed it, missed another opportunity to save Bones' life. Bones is dead... again.

"You have to remember. Please, Spock. Help me save him."

The bracelet beeps one more time, and then, again, Spock and the Enterprise fade away.

***

For the first time, Jim wakes with a smile. He knows that it was foolish but he couldn't help it - Spock had changed things dramatically. Now he can fight, now he has someone else who is remembering, small things but with enough time, Spock would be able to recall his warnings and, maybe, do something about it.

He has already lost count of the number of loops he had experienced, thousands maybe, but it felt like so much more. Bones has died so many different ways, Jim has failed him and for each failure came another blow of defeat. A piece of Jim died with Bones, another chip off his sanity and resilience. But his determination is still going strong, a part of him still so sure that there is no such thing as a no-win scenario.

Bones stirs alongside him, the rustle of sheets and the deep inhalation of air. Jim reaches out and strokes Bones' naked arm, sliding his fingers along the warm skin, over knuckles as he curls his hand around Bones' own.

As Bones blinks awake, Jim leans close and steals a kiss, catching him unaware but receiving a determined kiss in return. He smiles at the fondness. "Did I wake you?"

Bones shakes his head. "What time is it?"

Jim looks to the display by the head of the bed, frowns when he realizes it's earlier than usual. "Six fifteen."

Bones yawns, his eyes still puffy with sleep. "Why are you awake? Couldn't sleep?"

"I'm not sure." Jim replies honestly. He wonders what has changed to alter one of the fixed moments in this recurring nightmare. Spock must have altered something, his change of position in the last loop must have done something to the bracelet. Jim's personal stopwatch, the one thing that keeps time from moving forward for him, is invisible to Bones, to everyone but him and he looks at it, puzzled. It still reads the same, still shows a countdown ticking by as normal. The numbers aren't any different even though the current time is, and Jim doesn't know why. What does it mean for this loop if things are running at an altered pace but his bracelet is still letting him know that Bones will still die when the counter hits zero?

"What are you thinking about?"

Bones, leaning up on his elbow and frowning curiously at him, breaks Jim from his thoughts. He gives Bones another distraction, telling him it's nothing and rising from the bed. Bones follows him, biting at the bait that Jim didn't mean to leave. As they enter the bathroom, Bones is tugging on his arm. "What are you not telling me, Jim?"

"It's nothing, Bones. Everything's fine. Come on." Jim leads him toward the shower, smiling playfully as he goes.

Bones follows but he still has a suspicious look on his face, eyes narrowing on Jim. He stops short suddenly, glancing about the room in confusion, "Wow."

"What?" The look scares Jim, his hand tightening its grip on Bones.

Bones huffs. "Deja vu."

Jim covers his surprise quickly, slipping into a sly grin and curling his arm around Bones' waist. "Oh yeah? Well, it's not the first time I've dragged you into the shower."

"No," Bones replies, still distracted. "I've had deja vu before, this feels different."

Jim tries to laugh it off, tries to curb the twisting in his gut at Bones' reaction. Bones has never been aware that something wasn't right, he was always oblivious to the loops, just like everyone else. Is it possible that, like Spock, Bones is starting to become aware? Did that mean that others would too?

Could it mean that Jim was finally not alone in this hell?

The real question is whether or not he could risk Bones knowing, he had made the mistake before and told Bones everything and all it did was kill him faster. Jim can’t risk changing things now, not when he still only has a tentative lifeline with Spock. He has to be delicate, knowing well enough that even though the loops keep happening, he could very well bring them to an end and Bones would be dead permanently. He has to be cautious, and lying to Bones is his only choice for now, no matter how much it hurts.

"You're acting pretty strange there, might be something serious. Do you need to see a doctor?" Jim laughs, fake and painful. He pulls Bones to him as the other man scowls at him. 

"Ha ha, smart ass."

The moment is quickly forgotten as Jim guides Bones into the shower, lavishing attention on him as he has done every morning of the loop. Bones never questions it, because as far as he is concerned it hasn't happened a thousand times in a row. For him, it's another morning, another day. But for Jim, it's a blessing in every way. It's the only time that he isn't screaming for someone to save them both.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is graciously beta'd by JenTheSweetie, she is wonderful and clever and takes the time out of her busy schedule to read through my scribbles. Thank you, Jen! :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked and given kudos for this fic. I appreciate every one of them. :)
> 
> Chapter five should be posted within the next couple of days, hopefully I can have it up before Saturday.

Jim slides along the corridor, his pace overshooting Sickbay's doors as he staggers to a stop and turns back. He pushes his way through and straight for the man trying to choke the life out of Bones, taking them both to the ground. Bones rolls away as Jim grapples with his attacker, and Jim yells at everyone in the room to stay back as the man laughs in Jim's face. Kirk reaches for the man's wrist, curling his fist around it and slamming it to the floor. It's a futile gesture, and he knows it. The bracelet never breaks, never loses time.

The Sickbay doors hiss open and for a brief moment the man looks surprised. Jim frowns at him as he tries to pin him down, but with an angered growl, the man kicks Jim back. As he rolls along the floor, he can see Spock rushing toward McCoy, tugging him roughly by the arm and thrusting him toward the door. Jim's heart pounds as he watches the confused doctor questioning Spock but having little time to do anything other than obey. Spock turns to Jim, only has a moment before the bracelet beeps. Jim looks down in horror at the timer. He glances up, noticing the man too far away from Bones to reach him before the sound stops, knowing he has no time to reach Bones from his position.

The man fades away, laughing, just as the bulkhead where Bones is standing explodes outwards, engulfing him in a ball of flame and twisted metal.

Jim watches, face contorting with dejection. Twisting hatred curls and rolls in his stomach as he falls to his knees. He was so close to feeling the end of this nightmare, only to have that hope ripped away in the blink of an eye. Jim falls to the ground, sobbing on the floor of Sickbay as everything fades away again. 

***

Kirk was out of bed and getting dressed before Bones could wake, leaving silently and heading along the deck to Spock's quarters. He stands waiting, staring at the cold metal and trying not to lose his composure. As the door slides open, Jim glances up and isn’t surprised to see Spock dressed and ready to start his shift. "I need to talk to you."

Spock steps aside, eyebrow lifting in curiosity, as his Captain enters. Jim pauses in the middle of the room and spins, hands fisted at his side. "I need you to listen, don't say anything, just listen to me for a second."

Spock simply stands, hands clasped behind his back.

"Right," Jim says as he starts pacing, fingers running through his hair. "This hasn't worked before, it never does anything to help but I have to try."

Spock still doesn’t move. Jim nods, accepting that Spock is prepared to listen and help. "I'm stuck in a time loop of some kind, I can't stop it and I've tried every way I can think of but the result is always the same. There's a man, I have no idea who he is but he hates me, I've done something, or... I haven't yet but I will and he's put me in this loop for some kind of revenge."

Spock's eyebrow lifts, and Jim takes that for what it is, knowing that the Vulcan is already analysing the small amount of information that Jim has provided. Jim steps toward him, a pleading look on his face, and grips Spock's arms. "He keeps killing McCoy, every single loop, each time Bones dies a different way and I can't make it stop. I can't save him and the bastard is enjoying watching him die. I know you can't just believe me, it's ridiculous and absurd and there's nothing I can do to prove it to you. But you know me, Spock, you know that I wouldn't just make this up."

Spock nods in understanding, but even the Vulcan can't hide the skepticism. Jim shakes him in frustration, having had this conversation with him so many times and always getting the same result. "Spock, I need your help."

Spock lowers his gaze, eyes unfocused as he stops and thinks. He's taking the situation and turning it over in whatever way works for a Vulcan brain, analysing all the potential variables and probably going over every time loop theory he knows. After a long moment, which Jim spends holding his breath, Spock looks back at him. "You have my assistance, as always, Captain. However, as I am unable to recall any of these events, it would be difficult for me to render sufficient aid."

Jim can only growl, knowing his response and knowing the answer is true. He releases his hold and turns sharply, resuming his pacing. "I need something, anything that will give me leverage to turn this around. I can't keep this up forever, I can't keep watching him die and be so powerless, I can't."

"How are you able to retain the memories?"

Jim holds up his arm; the bracelet is visible to him, but a naked wrist to Spock. "You can't see this but it's there. The guy put a bracelet of some kind on my arm, it has a timer that counts down each loop. He has one too and it's impossible to destroy it."

Spock stares at his wrist, then steps away and reaches for the tricorder on his desk. He returns to stand in front of Jim, scanning the device that the Vulcan can't even see. He lifts an eyebrow and begins to scan Jim's body, before returning to the wrist. "Fascinating."

"Temporal energy, focused on my wrist." Jim says, not wasting the time for the long explanation that Spock gave him in other loops. "But I'm soaked with it, aren't I? I have temporal energy readings off the chart."

"It proves that you have been in temporal flux, yes." Spock taps at the tricorder, eyes focused and intent. "I am unable to detect the device, it appears only as a high level energy reading. Have you been able to tamper with it?"

Jim shakes his head, "Can't open it, can't remove it and there's nothing that we have onboard that can break it. Listen, Spock. I don't have long before this thing kicks me back in time, but things are changing."

"How so?"

"The last loop, I woke up earlier but the timer remained the same, and Bones insisted he had déjà vu. That's never happened before. And you, the past version of you is seeing echoes and hearing things. He's actively changing the loop somehow, being in different places. Can that happen?"

"I apparently do not have sufficient time to explain the complexities of temporal mechanics, but there have been documented recordings of beings of a telepathic nature possessing the ability to see past events. Although, only those of extreme mental discipline are successful. I surmise that the repetition of the same events is creating a strong imprint that is enabling this ability. It is possible that the man responsible is travelling outside of your restricted timeframe and altering events to ensure each loop completes according to his plan. That, theoretically, is allowing the Spock of that period to alter his movements."

Jim frowns, staring idly at the ground. He has never considered that, in every variation he has tried, he never once thought that the man was more than one step ahead. Jim was nothing more than a puppet on a string, battling in vain against a scenario he was destined to lose every time. Just because this man, out for revenge and blood, was controlling every outcome outside of the loop as well as in. This man had however long he wanted to plan Bones' death and Jim's agony.

"Spock, how do I stop him?"

"Logically, the solution would be to prevent Doctor McCoy's death."

Jim shakes his head angrily. "I've tried that, I keep trying."

Spock nods in understanding, and Jim is thankful that he has a calm, rational person to brainstorm with in the short amount of time he has. 

"There is another possibility, the bracelet itself may very well be a trigger, not a timer."

"Explain."

"You awoke earlier in the last loop, yet the bracelet countdown remained the same. Did you notice a shortened amount of time to save the doctor?"

Jim huffs, "I didn't really have time to watch the clock."

Spock nods. "The device can be altered; if it is the cause of the continuous loops, then preventing a fixed trigger point could theoretically deactivate the bracelet. Saving the doctor could potentially be the required action to put a stop to the temporal repetition."

"Easier said than done."

The familiar feeling came over him again as the room began to blur, colours fading to black. Jim cried out in desperation, begging for more time, shouting at Spock even as he disappeared entirely.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a HUGE thank you to JentheSweetie for beta reading my scribbles, thank you Jen! :)
> 
> And again, thank you so much for reading, subscribing, commenting and leaving kudos. It's very much appreciated. :)
> 
> (I'm so crap at leaving notes and thanking people, I'm so sorry.)

The door to Sickbay hisses open and Kirk staggers to a stop, staring open-jawed at Spock standing in front of McCoy. The doctor is holding a shoulder, blood creeping through his fingers. He looks confused, surprised and winded but Spock just stands resilient against the armoured man. His two friends, the standoff and the possibility of an end in sight fill him with hope. The man is staring in confusion. He turns to Jim, eyes narrowing and cursing vehemently. 

"How are you doing this?"

Jim smirks, stepping forward slowly and keeping the man's attention on him. He doesn't speak, just tries to keep up the façade that he's in complete control, even when he knows he's not.

This is changing things dramatically, which means that, right now, Jim has the element of surprise. If he can’t save Bones this time, the man is going to have to do even more damage to set Jim back more than he’ll be able to manage.

"You had to realise that I would do anything I could to save him," Jim replies, almost on the man now. "I don't know what is that I have done to you, I can't possibly imagine destroying you so badly that this is your only recourse. But you have to understand, you have to know that I won't let you punish him for my mistake."

"Mistake?" the man grounds out, face contorting in rage. "You think that I would expend so much energy and resource for a simple mistake? No, Kirk. You have cost me more than I can ever bear to live with, pain that is forever my hell and so, I reciprocate by bringing you yours."

"It's not his fault!" Jim yells, frustrated and desperate. "Hell, it's not even mine yet, how can I be responsible for something if you're keeping me prisoner in this, this godforsaken loop?"

"Because I can't change it!" the man screams back, knife lifting to point shakily at Jim's head. "I've tried, but the result is always the same! They die! So he dies!" The knife swings around, aiming for McCoy. "He dies, just like they did. Over and over again with no hope of reprieve."

Jim stares at the man incredulously, breathing deeply as he listens to him in his delusional state of mind. Whatever had happened between them, this man's past and Kirk's own future, there would be no chance of reconciliation, especially with the insanity glowing in the man's eyes. "I won't let you hurt him anymore."

The man starts to shake his head, hatred and anger fuelling him. "As long as I draw breath, I will make you suffer."

Jim lunges forward, taking the man to the ground and wrestling with him for the blade in his hand. He knows it's futile but he keeps talking, keeps trying to placate him as he tries desperately to subdue him. "It doesn't have to be this way." He grunts, muscles taunt with the exertion of holding the man. "Let me help you, let me try to make this right. Not just for me, but for the ones you've lost. You don't have to do this alone."

"No!" The man kicks out, air huffing out of Jim's chest with the impact to his ribs. As he rolls away, he sees Spock in his peripheral vision, stepping closer to the fight.

"Stay with McCoy!" Jim orders, rolling with some effort to stand and face off against his opponent once again.

"You can't save him, you've tried. When are you just going to give up?" The man has blood slipping down his chin, the corner of his mouth splattered with red. Jim frowns, knowing he hadn't inflicted any injury there. The man sneers, wiping away the blood and shaking his head, resigned. "Your fate is mine, Kirk."

Jim barely has time to blink before the man reaches for the bracelet, tapping something into it and vanishing. Instantly, he reappears behind Bones and Spock turns fast, pulling the doctor away and behind just as the knife plunges into the Vulcan's chest. Bones yells in surprise, watching Spock fall and only managing to look up before the man yanks the blade from one body and slices it across the throat of another.

Jim drops to his knees, a pained moan agonisingly leaving his throat. The man laughs as the bracelet beeps and everything fades to black.

***

Jim jolted awake, his whole body shaking. He sat up and panted through his panic and grief, only once glancing at the body that would always be laying at his side. Each new loop had taken it's toll, and this last one felt very much like the final piece to crumble and fall. Jim wasn't sure now if he had it in him to fight anymore.

"If you keep waking me up at these ungodly hours, I swear I'm gonna start sleeping in my own bed." Bones still had his eyes shut when Jim looked at him, and the muttered complaint was sleep-ridden. Jim couldn't bring himself to smile at the Doctor's grumbled argument, knowing that Bones didn't mean it as anything other than affectionate. But Bones also didn't mean for it to sound like a repetitive occurrence either, didn't mean for it to sting because he had no idea that Jim was tortured with a loop of forever seeing him die. It wasn't Bones' fault, none of it was his fault. And whatever his future self had done to piss off some genius time meddler wasn't Jim's fault either... yet.

The man wouldn't listen to reason, wouldn't accept that Jim was prepared to do whatever he could to save the ones he had lost. Jim would do anything, if it meant that both he and the man could live in peace. But even that wasn't an option, not for this person so hell-bent on a lifetime's worth of revenge.

He reached out and started to gently stroke the thick head of hair of the man laying at his side, eyes downcast as he let out all of the air in his chest. The resigned sigh broke Bones from his rest, and the man lifted himself up onto his arms. Jim thought for a moment that he would actually snap at the doctor, frail nerves only made worse by Bones' obliviousness, but he couldn't bring himself to find the energy needed to do it. The motivation was lacking as well, because he couldn't be angry at Bones, he just simply couldn't blame him for not knowing or understanding. There was nothing that he could do to help, forever forgetting after dying in some of the most horrible ways imaginable; all Bones could do was offer comfort for something Jim didn't reveal, a secret that Bones just understood Jim wanted to keep to himself, never pushing for an answer beyond Jim's frustrated pleas to leave it be.

"What's the matter, Jim?"

Jim sighed again, finally feeling like he was about to sit this loop out and spend it drinking his ass into the ground. He didn't want to do this now, wanted nothing more than to run away and leave the ship and its’ crew for a few loops to handle things on their own. But he knew that he couldn't. As soon as he needed to be somewhere, the bracelet put him there. Running wasn't an option, and more importantly, he was James Kirk, he didn't run from things, he didn't believe in no-win scenarios.

Yeah, right.

As Bones tugged on his arm, Jim shook as he inhaled deeply. He pivoted, rolled and pinned Bones to the bed. "No questions, don't ask me anything, Bones. Right now, just you and me. And this, please."

Bones blinked, confused and troubled as Jim leaned down and demanded a kiss that screamed desperation and need. Bones, good God, Bones. The understanding bastard just lifted his head and gave Jim the same in return. Jim growled, wrapped his arms around Bones and held him painfully close, curling around him so tightly that Bones would have bruises.

The kiss broke and Jim panted as he stared into Bones' eyes, one hand caressing his shoulder, another running fingers through his hair. Bones only had enough movement to stroke his fingers over Jim's hips and waist, soothing Jim even as his eyes showed fear and uncertainty. And damn it, Jim hated that he'd put that fear there. This morning had been relatively untouched by the negativity of the loop, always a respite from the hell and never anything more than puzzling looks and questions easily distracted. Sometimes the sex had been crazed, manic and passionate. Sometimes it was caring and sensitive. Now, this time, the sex was all about possession, protectiveness and fear. A loathing of Jim's own failures and an apology for constantly screwing up and leaving his lover dead and bloody.

Bones was always oblivious, which hurt even more and not because he didn't know he was going to die, but because Jim used his loyalty to make himself feel better, forgiven. If Bones knew the truth, would he be so willing?

That thought alone fuelled Jim further, refusal to feel that negativity and even contemplate that Bones could ever hate him for something he continued to fight against. As painful as this was, Bones would understand, he would know that Jim was fighting for him and doing whatever he could to save his life.

Jim leaned down, nudging Bones' neck to the side and thrusting his face against the exposed, pulsing throat beneath him. Bones moaned as Jim licked, sucked, kissed and nipped, taking his time in lavishing Bones' heated skin with all the attention he had to give. Jim's hands mapped along the man's flesh, tight with the writhing movements, a taut thigh, the ripple of abs, the clenched ass that flexed under his hold. Jim groaned as he pulled away, kissing a wet, sloppy trail down Bones' body as his hands ripped the briefs down and away from his target.

Jim gave no warning as he took Bones' erection deep in one quick move. 

Bones couldn't help his body arching up, hands fisting the sheets as Jim hummed in approval at the feel of Bones forcing open the back of his throat. Bones was mumbling, incoherent words that escaped and died before they even reached Jim's ears. He smiled with the debauchery of it all, the look of Bones coming undone and willingly laying there for it to happen. The man just looked so deliciously needy and wanton that Jim almost faltered with his moves. 

Bones' hands left the bed, snagging gently in Jim's hair as he bobbed greedily. The slurping sounds he made only had him sucking harder, drawing Bones up off the bed and head tilting back to expose the abused throat. 

"Holy shit, Jim," Bones whispered, eyes firmly shut as he wriggled on the mattress. "You... you need to slow it down, darlin'."

Jim released Bones with a wet plop, licking at his lips as Bones seemed to sag with relief. Jim smiled, "Too much? You? Are you sure?"

Bones frowned at him incredulously, "I just woke up! What's gotten into you?"

Jim wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Nothing yet, but here's hoping."

Bones grinned. "Well if that's what you're planning, might want to ease up on me because we don't have time for round two."

"I'm the Captain." Jim replied as he snaked his way along Bones' body, planting kisses as he went. "I can do whatever I want, and I'm using the privilege right now."

"Captains can be late for work, CMOs can't." Bones chuckled, squirming as Jim licked at one of his raised nipples. Jim hummed as he continued his work, sucking on Bones' skin as he lifted his hips and wriggled out of his briefs.

"Bones, if I want to spend time with you, then that's what I'm going to do. There's no emergency, no crisis, just you and me, this bed and sex." Now free of his briefs, Jim laid down, touching as much of his flesh as he could against Bones' body. Their legs blended together, Bones raising one of his own to wrap it around Jim's leg and rubbing gently. Jim snaked a hand between them, gripping both cocks and sliding his hand up and down, stoking slowly.

"You're incorrigible."

"And you're not putting up much resistance," Jim replied, nipping at Bones' ear.

"Unbelievable," Bones grumbled, but he was already rolling them both and putting Jim beneath him.

Jim laughed as they changed positions, hands now able to slide down the length of Bones' back, nails raking the path up again. Bones shuddered above him, eyes slipping shut as Jim repeated the move. As Bones arched his back, Jim admired the stretch of his chest and stomach, committing it all to memory again.

As Jim spread his legs, Bones nestling into the space, he fumbled for the drawer by the bed. He couldn't find the lube and started to curse, but Bones simply laughed and reached over to snag the elusive bottle.

"This how you want it?" Bones said as he popped the top open. 

Jim grinned, lifting his hips to rub their cocks together.

Bones returned the grin. "Okay then."

As he leaned up on one elbow, hand wrapped around Bones' neck to latch on for a kiss, he could feel the cold lube circling him. Bones' fingers caressed his entrance before teasingly pushing in and pulling away again, which had Jim groaning into Bones' mouth. This was one of the aspects that Jim both loved and hated, the teasing that Bones absolutely had to torture him with. These were the moments that Jim enjoyed, the build-up and drive, the climb to the top of the mountain before they both unravelled at the peak and tumbled to the bottom. He could play like this forever, constantly being driven to the edge and pulled back harshly. But this time, he needed, wanted, Bones to just take everything he had to offer because Bones could have it all.

"God, Bones," Jim puffed out, breathing in fast and shallow with anticipation. "Please. You're killing me here."

Bones laughed, and suddenly Jim felt all control of this situation transfer away from him and into his lover. "I thought we had all the time in the world?"

"I lied," Jim growled, thrusting his hips downward, trying desperately to get Bones' fingers inside him.

Bones pulled away, teasing him even more and, for a brief moment, Jim was going to flip them back and fuck Bones senseless for being an ass. But then those blissful fingers finally pushed inside, stretching Jim open and had him gaping at the ceiling as he gasped out Bones' name.

"That's it darlin'," Bones rumbled into his ear, fingers sliding in and out, scissoring as they went. Jim's arms fell limp to the mattress, body softening for Bones to prime him and prepare for the pounding of his life. Jim wanted nothing more right now, needed this like a lifeline. Bones was more than a man who could put your body back together, he could piece Jim's soul back together too.

"Bones," Jim whispered, eyes desperate and pleading. "I need you."

"You have me,” Bones replied, pulling out and shifting his weight, lining up as Jim curled his arms and legs around Bones' body. When Bones started to push in, the mild burn gave way to want. Jim breathed out, his forehead resting against Bones' collarbone as he inhaled the man's scent.

When Bones was buried inside Jim, they stopped and just breathed. Bones, to compose himself from the tightness engulfing his cock, Jim from the sensation of being filled and breaking the spell of constant fighting in the never-ending hell.

As Jim reached up and kissed Bones' jaw, the silence was broken and both men moaned as Bones began thrusting forward. The pace steadily grew, each man contributing equally as Bones thrust and Jim rocked. Their panting breaths filled the room, the slap of flesh against flesh dirty and erotic. Bones leaned down and kissed Jim's forehead, Jim returned it with a kiss to Bones' clavicle. 

Just as quickly, Jim turned and bit at Bones' shoulder, hard enough to make Bones growl but never breaking skin. Bones moved faster, their bodies slamming together as Jim felt his orgasm bearing down on him. Then the man was changing the angle, and Jim realised that Bones was bordering on the edge as well. With one final kiss to his lover's flesh, Jim dug his nails in and latched on to Bones' neck. 

Bones roared as he slammed his hips forward, climax rocking through him as he filled Jim with his seed. Jim could feel the warmth flooding him, the pulsing of Bones' cock inside him and with a ragged shout, head thrown back, Jim's orgasm shattered his vision and turned everything white.

And as he tried to claw his way back to reality, the distinct sound of beeping turned his world upside down. His stomach dropped, heart beating for an entirely different reason as Bones and the room around him faded away.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a HUGE thank you to JenTheSweetie for beta reading my chapter. She is awesome and patient and puts up with me and my strangeness, thank you Jen. :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, subscribed and given kudos for my scribbles, I really do appreciate it, thank you. :)

The darkness fades and Jim already knows that something is different. As the vaguely familiar surroundings come into focus, Jim is painfully aware that he is naked and alone. A small table sits in the centre of the darkened room, the deep green walls are cold and foreboding. He can hear the faint hum of an engine, the barest of vibration filtering through the floor and into his body. 

Jim has spent enough time on a variety of vessels to gauge that this is a small ship, barely larger than one of the Enterprise's shuttle pods. He's only ever been in this room once before, never having the luxury to explore outside and now he regrets not forcing that option. Maybe, if he had spent his short-lived captivity trying to escape, he would have been able to prevent this entire situation. But he had chosen to appeal, to placate and talk his way out of it. The result of such hesitant action left him fighting for his ship, his crew and the man he loves with a far worse problem. 

A door to his left hisses open, the man sauntering inside. His victorious smirk did little to unnerve Jim, after all, the man wasn't winning anything, not yet. Jim stood stoic, refusing to give anything away. The man huffed in amusement. 

"How can a man, naked, dishevelled and ripped from the act of pleasure still keep such an unperturbed aura?"

Jim gives his own confident smirk. "It's not the first time I've been caught with my pants down, won't be the last either."

The man sneers, his face twisting in an ugly, hate-filled glare. "Would your lover be so nonchalant in the same circumstances? He doesn't appear to be the type to be as accepting of such matters."

"You don't know his type," Kirk growls, anger flaring at the man for mentioning Bones at all.

"I've killed him enough times to know something about him, I can even remember the look in his eyes each time he died at my hand." The man approaches slowly, his body lithe and smooth as he moves. Jim wants to hit him, wants to rip him apart for that. This man, this monster who takes pleasure in torturing another, in killing and enjoying the look of death in Bones' face is beyond anything Jim can call human. The disgust is so powerful that Jim can barely keep himself from vomiting all over this bastard's floor. His body begins to shake and the man laughs, reaching for the table and picking the fabric up, throwing it at Kirk. Jim catches it against his chest, staring constantly at the man as he unfolds the clothing. 

"I can't believe that you're cold, surely a man of your calibre can handle far worse?"

Jim snorts, unwilling to correct him for the mistake. If he thinks it’s anything to do with climate, then he wouldn't be prepared for an assault. If he wants to believe that Jim is weak, then that's his error to make, one Jim will take advantage of. Still, he'd rather take the man down without his vulnerable parts showing; no point having an extra target. Jim puts on the clothes. 

"I have to admit, seeing you in such a compromised position was certainly an eye-opener."

Jim looks up in surprise, eyes wide with both shock and an uncomfortable amount of fear. The thought that this man was watching Jim wasn't even a problem, but to know that he was watching Bones - and seeing something so intimate - left Jim infuriated. These loops had made Jim protective, a feeling that had intensified with each new cycle. Bones had always meant so much to Jim, a relationship that surpassed friendship and lovers. Bones' loyalty and trust meant more to him than anything, and the need to keep him safe - even though he knew Bones was capable and reliable to manage on his own - was overpowering. The fact that this man had admitted to watching them so closely, was unnerving and despicable. 

Jim glares, hands fisting in the clothes as he stands half-dressed. He forces himself not to show his anger. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more depraved, I find out you're a peeping Tom too."

The man laughs, "And here I am, staring at you whilst you're dressing. It would seem that way, wouldn't it?"

"If you're trying to freak me out, you're going to have to do better than that."

"I have no sexual interest in either of you, you can be sure of that,” the man replies with a tired sigh. He steps into a ray of light from above, just for a moment before returning to the shadows. It's enough for Jim to see his face. 

Jim stops halfway through pulling on the shirt, staring at the bruised, mottled skin. The man's eyes are dark but the thick red veins are so intense that the whites are barely visible. His face is more purple than pink, distended flesh misshaping the normal contours of his head and neck. Hair, once thick, now hangs lifeless and clumped. Jim swears that there are patches of bare skin on his scalp.

"What's happening to you?" He whispers, voice scratchy with shock. 

The man laughs without humour, it's more of a resigned acceptance. "A fate of my choosing."

Jim gulps, his throat hardly moist enough to help. For a brief moment, he actually feels sorry for the man. It's a short-lived feeling as the man simply steps forward and hisses with vehemence at him. 

"It hurts, the pain is immense, the fear is uncontrollable and the defeat is heady. I started to use it as a means to an end. Fuel for my fire and hatred for you. Now, I use it differently. Now I know that even when I am done, when my life is over, you will feel this way as well. You will live with regret and pain, loneliness and defeat and then you will die in agony as your body decays. That is how I will finally accept, with my last dying breath that I have had my revenge against you."

Jim blinks, unable to respond as he stares at the man that is practically crumbling apart in front of him. This is his future, this is the fate that the man claimed Jim would share. Jim was going to decay the same way.

"The loop," Jim whispers again, realisation dawning on him. "It's this loop, it's destroying us both."

"Yes," the man hisses with a smile. "Man was never meant to relive a moment in time, it seems. I never knew, I had no way of knowing and for that I am paying the price. My ignorance is my murderer, as it is yours."

"Why," Jim says firmly, back stiffening in defiance. "Why go to so much trouble for revenge against me? Why not just kill me?"

"Why do we fight at all?" the man replies. "Why should I waste my time and my life? Killing you is easy, taking your life quickly would have been simple, but how then do I feel satisfied that your death has paid for your crime?"

"You're killing yourself in the process!" Jim yells, utterly confused at these ramblings of a madman. 

"I have nothing left to live for!" the man bellows back. "Why should I kill you quickly and then spend the rest if my life in misery? If torturing you ends in my death as well as yours, I welcome it!"

Jim growls, spinning on his heel and pacing quickly. He runs his hands through his hair with rough strokes as he looks between the man and the floor ahead of him. "What have I done to hurt you so badly? How can I possibly have such a penance to repay? I haven't committed the crime you're talking about, and if I die in this loop it'll never happen anyway!"

"It will happen!" the man shouts, hands reaching out and snagging at Jim's arms. Jim grabs the man's biceps, locking on as the man grips him so hard that it hurts. 

"How?" Jim whispers harshly as he tries to shake some sense into the man. "Tell me how, and I promise you, I'll stop it from happening. All of this can be prevented, we can both have what we want and neither of us have to live through this hell."

"It's too late," the man groans, eyes slipping shut as his bracelet beeps. "We're late."

Jim opens his mouth to voice his query but the man pulls him close, grips Jim's hair in his fist. The man leans in tight, Jim can feel his lips against his ear as he pushes back against him. "Will this make his death taste differently, I wonder?"

The room fills with light and Jim realises quickly that they're moving, it's the first time that he has felt this for quite a while, the shift of his molecules and the displacement of his cells. They're transporting from one ship to another, they're beaming to the Enterprise. With a sickening feeling, Jim realises that the man is on his way to kill Bones.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the delay. Internet issues, writer's block, time constraints, plenty of things to make this chapter take so long. You may have to read the last chapter as a refresher, so I apologise if you find that you have to do that. 
> 
> Thank you to JentheSweetie, she was extremely instrumental in this chapter. If not for her comments on the first version, my eagerness would have made the chapter a little confusing. I'm grateful for her help, Thank you, Jen. :)
> 
> And finally, thank you for reading, leaving comments, kudos and bookmarking my scribbles. I greatly appreciate it. :)

Jim grips onto the man hard, refusing to release him and let him get anywhere near Bones. The man just begins to laugh, sneering directly into Jim’s face as he shakes him. His mangled face looks even more hideous under the bright lights of Sickbay.

“It doesn’t change,” the man whispers venomously, “You can’t save him.”

“As long as I'm still breathing, I'm going to try,” Jim growls back. The man’s fingers are digging into his arms, a pain that he barely registers and returns with equal malice. If he lets go now, the man will swing around and take his rage out on Bones and he can’t let that happen.

“Jim?” Bones says to his right. His voice is questioning, confused and concerned.

In response, Jim tightens his hold, never breaking eye contact with the man. “Bones, get out.”

When he hears no reply, Jim glances to his side and sees that Bones is immobile, simply staring with a heavy frown on his face. “Bones, now!”

“Something’s wrong,” Bones mutters, eyes focusing on the men standing in a literal death grip in front of him.

Jim holds his breath, eyes narrowing to hold back any display of his concern. He wasn't going to give this man any more leverage than he already believed he had. "Bones, I won't tell you again."

"But..." Bones starts, faltering on his own words as he looks to be contemplating something intensely.

The man begins to laugh, slight at first, but swiftly turning into a wicked cackle. "This part is always fun."

Jim sneers, nails digging into the man's already rigid muscle. "What are you talking about?"

The man leans in close, tips his head sardonically as he turns his eyes on Bones. "You're never here for this part, for our moments alone before you come bounding into this room like a desperate puppy. Do you ever wonder? Do you ever think that he remembers anything?"

Jim roars in frustration, pushing back with every ounce of strength until the man is bent backward over one of the bio beds. "What did you do? Tell me!"

The two men are locked together, arms and bodies trembling with the pressure that both are inflicting upon the other. Jim can vaguely hear Bones calling out, but luckily he's listening to Jim's orders and staying back and Jim knows that that is hard for Bones to do.

The man is hissing, snarling as he fights against Jim's strength but there's something wrong and Jim can feel the man gaining the upper hand. The man releases his arm, reaching up to snag the scruff of Jim's neck and twisting his body to throw Jim against the bed, his face smashing sideways into the foam surface. Jim grunts, pushes back but it's no use and the pressure on his arm intensifies. He knows the feeling of having a bone broken and this is starting to feel a lot like that, he squints at the stars forming around his vision and waits for the sickening crack.

The scuffle behind him leaves him panicked and he calls out to Bones to stay away, but the pressure eases and for a brief moment, Jim sighs and enjoys the release from the pain. His vision begins to clear, the sounds growing louder and Jim pushes up from the bed and turns to see Bones grappling with the man.

Bones is taller, his advantage only slight against his much stronger opponent. He leans the man over, trying to twist him to the ground in a vain attempt to subdue him. They rock backwards, the man snagging Bones' hair as he tries to lock Bones' arm behind his back. Jim jumps into the fray, latching on to the man from behind, and wrapping a hand around the fist that curls viciously in Bones' hair. Bones curls his free hand and thrusts it forward, slamming a painful punch into the man's stomach. It barely makes a dent, enough so that Jim can wrench him away and the two are tumbling to the ground. Bones half-runs, half-crawls away, heading toward one of the nurses who dared to come close enough. He barks something at her, Jim doesn't understand but it's obvious to the woman and she doubles over the nearest table, arms moving quickly. He can't see what she is doing, but his attention is drawn back to the man.

The door to Sickbay hisses open just as the ship lurches violently, and he looks up briefly and grins, his body pulsing with renewed energy. Spock doesn't hesitate to intervene, his stronger body giving extra leverage to the fight. The man grows desperate, thrashing out wildly as he considers the possibility that he has overestimated the situation - at least, Jim hopes that is the case.

The snarl that escapes the man’s lips is frightening. Jim falters for just a moment and the man uses the time to lunge at Spock. The Vulcan falls to the ground, his back slamming into the deck. The man quickly straddles him and lets loose a barrage of vicious punches to his face, Spock trying desperately to limit the damage. Jim watches as Spock evens the score with some well-placed hits of his own. The man alternates between defending his own body whilst hurling assault on another.

“You should have left it alone!” the man yells, throwing his body fully into the scuffle. “You Vulcans and your irritating fucking minds, your curiosity will be the death of you!”

The man is so distracted in his rage that he doesn’t know of Jim’s approach, the steps loud to Jim’s own ears but muffled against the cacophony already shattering Sickbay. Jim twists back, leg swinging and kicking the air from the man’s lungs. The two fighting men roll apart, Spock standing slower than usual due to the battering he received. The man kneels on the floor by the wall, breath wheezing from his body. He tries to rise, gives up and settles into a seated position, an arm wrapping around his ribs protectively.

The three men are still, panting through the respite. Jim can hear Bones approaching him from behind, but he doesn’t dare break his eye contact from the man on the floor nearby. “Bones, I told you to leave,” Jim growls, his own frustration that Bones hasn’t obeyed him beginning to infuriate him. He steps back, glances at Spock and nods his intent. Spock replies with his own nod, turning to stand guard.

Jim pulls Bones away by the grip on his upper arm. Bones is tugged along with very little resistance. “Stay away from him,” Jim mumbles, voice pitched low to emphasise importance and secrecy. “Bones, what did he mean?”

Bones stutters, shaking his head in confusion. “Jim, I don’t know, I…”

“Do you remember him?” Jim replies, gripping both of Bones’ arms and shaking him for answers. Jim’s chest tightens at the look on Bones’ face, confusion melting into panic that is more internal and less about the fight that just wrecked half of Sickbay. Bones is fighting something, trying to figure out just what is happening and quickly.

“It’s just… Jim, I can’t explain it. It’s like déjà vu,” he nods to the floored man, “About him.”

Jim follows his gaze, seeing the man sneering with something akin to elation. He turns back to Bones and pulls him close, holding him in a tight embrace. A blatant display of possessiveness for the man’s attention. He tips his head forward, taking a brief moment to inhale Bones’ scent before speaking. “We don’t have long. Tell me what you can.”

Bones sighs, shifting to whisper and keep his words for Jim alone. “There’s not much to tell. I just had this sense of fear… and death. Not that I think it could happen, but that I know it’s going to happen. I know he’s come for me.”

Jim can’t mistake the shudder that reverberates from Bones’ body to his own, and he instinctively squeezes tighter.

Jim’s dying, the man is dying, Bones keeps dying. Hell, Spock died too. The stench of death permeated this room and Jim could understand Bones’ unease. That unknown feeling that something isn’t right, something is out of place, like ghosts haunting the living and your only salvation is to fear what you can’t understand and hope you survive. For Jim, this is a fight in the truest sense, a visible, flesh and blood enemy that feels when he punches, bleeds and screams as any living thing. But for Bones, this is an enemy that has planted a seed with every loop, a set circumstance that Bones’ mind has translated as something to fear as more than human. And yet, every loop, Bones has fought and braved that intense feeling of impending death.

And with that thought, Jim wants nothing more than to rip out the man’s throat. He pulls back, sliding his hands around until they are gripping Bones’ arms. “Get out of Sickbay, take your staff and go.”

“Jim, he’s dangerous. Look at him, he’s a man with nothing left to lose.”

Jim glances at the man again and sees a twisted, angry animal; made worse with the hideousness of his degrading form. He certainly did have nothing left to lose, and Jim knew first hand that that was true. Bones could see it, knew that their enemy wasn’t trying to walk away from this, that he had every intention of sticking around until he had achieved his goals. That alone had sent a shiver along Bones’ spine.

Bones tugs on Jim’s arm, gaining his attention. Jim turns back to him, his expression blank but Bones still narrows his eyes. “Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t. I’ve seen that look on your face before, and you died that time.”

“I know what I'm doing, Bones. Get out of here, now.” Jim replies.

“Jim-”

“GO!”

Bones stands his ground, frowning. “Whatever he’s done to you, it’s not worth destroying your soul for.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jim replies sardonically. “You don’t know what he’s done, Bones. You couldn’t understand how much pain he’s put me through, not without living it. And this bastard is hurting me in the worst possible way. The worst part is, it’s not your fault. He won’t listen, there’s no reasoning with him and I won’t let him do it anymore.”

“You’re not making any sense. Jim, tell me what the hell is going on.”

Jim frowns, a pained expression that has Bones frown in concern.

“I won’t let him murder you, anymore.”

Bones twitches at that, mouth dropping open to reply but cut off as the ship lurches. They both fall to the floor, Bones landing with a huff on top of Jim. Jim looks over to Spock and the Vulcan is on the floor, the man is up before anyone else, spared the fall by his seated position. He’s stalking forward, kicking viciously at Spock’s unprotected midsection as he passes with a blade in his hand.

Jim pushes at Bones and tries to shuffle out from beneath him, Bones leans up on his arms, knees raising to stand. He quickens his movements as the man approaches and Jim tries to put himself in the way, he grabs for the knife, still on his knees and at a disadvantage as the blade comes close to his face. Bones grips the arm too, the three men struggling for control.

Jim grunts through the pressure, hissing through clenched teeth for Bones to back away. He notices Spock approach from behind and throw his arms around the man’s neck, tugging him away from the two humans beneath. Jim lets go, as does Bones.

Jim didn’t notice the hand around Bones’ wrist.

He yells and reaches out, his hand swiping at empty air as the man drags Bones away and onto the blade. The sound of a knife cutting into flesh is all too familiar, and just as sickening. Bones grunts, air leaving his body in a slow drag as if he doesn’t want to let it go. The man stops struggling, lets Spock hold on to him and just laughs.

Jim scuttles along the floor toward Bones, he comes up behind him and eases him to the floor, hand cradling his head to the deck. Jim strokes his hair as the nurses that remained swarm around them both, pressing hands to the narrow line that is gushing blood. The line that is directly over his heart.

Bones reaches his hand for Jim’s, gripping it weakly. His voice is barely a whisper. “Jim…”

Jim shushes him and kisses his forehead, mumbles into his brow. “I love you.”

Bones doesn’t respond and Jim allows the sob to escape, trembling and numb. Then, with every ounce of rage coursing through him, Jim roars as he silently promises that this is going to stop.

The next time he sees the man, he’s not going to hesitate to kill him, even if that means he dies too.

***

Jim jolts awake, sitting up and sucking air into his lungs. Bones pulls himself up next to him, hand resting on Jim’s shoulder as he speaks in sleep-ridden slurs. “What is it?”

Jim turns, grabbing Bones’ head in both hands and kissing him hard. Bones startles at first, before returning the demanding kiss. Jim knows he’s being too hard, too brash but Bones is letting him know it’s ok by giving as good as he’s getting. Jim takes it all, sucking in Bones’ very being through those lips. He pulls away, kissing Bones’ forehead, his nose and another to his lips again. He rests their heads together, breathing deeply, taking the time to absorb the living, breathing aura of Bones. Then he issues a silent apology for what he’s about to do, because the last thing he wants to do is confuse the hell out of Bones and risk this version of his lover to the man’s wrath.

“Get dressed.” Jim orders, throwing the covers off and rising from the bed. Bones doesn’t question him as they hastily pull clothes on, head out of their quarters and along the corridors. As they near Sickbay, Bones starts to voice his concern. “You mind telling me what the hell we’re doing?”

The Sickbay doors hiss open, and Jim strolls to the centre of the room, circling and trying to quell the feeling of impending danger from the arrival of the man. It isn’t in this part of the loop, he tells himself, it won’t happen now. But, the feeling still persists.

“Jim, whatever’s got you spooked, I’d prefer you didn’t scare the hell out of my staff,” Bones says as he waves away a nurse.

Jim ignores him, turning to look for anything that would give him an advantage but the room looks different than in the past. He turns to Bones, eyes wild. “Nine months ago, we were attacked by an unknown ship, do you remember that?”

Bones frowns but nods, “Yeah, damn thing sent a lot of people my way. Why’d you ask?”

“You have all your equipment on standby, ready for anything?”

“Yeah,” Bones replies, stepping closer and tilting his head to study Jim. He knows that look, Bones thinks he’s going crazy.

“Over there,” Jim points at one of the far tables, empty now. “What do you usually put there in an emergency?”

Bones looks behind him before turning back, “Plenty of things, handheld regen units, suture kits, hypos.” He shrugs.

Jim runs his hands through his bed-ruffled hair, paces back and forth. No laser scalpels, nothing that would be useful to kill him. Hypos might slow him down enough, if he could get near him with one. But the man had already displayed great strength whenever Jim had wrestled with him, so it would have to be high. If he could use that, give him some kind of advantage, then either he or Spock could…

Jim stops pacing, locks eyes with Bones. “Spock’s a Vulcan.”

Bones eyebrows rise in surprise, “Uh, yeah. I kinda already know that, Jim.”

“Human sedatives don’t work on him, he has his own, right?” Jim paces forward, grabs Bones’ shoulders. “You have different medication for him on standby too, in case he’s hurt.”

“Yes, human sedatives would work but they’d take too long, he’s never needed the stronger hypos but I always have them ready.”

The relief sagged Jim’s shoulders, a smile – a genuine one – graced his features. “Did you have it on standby nine months ago?”

“Of course,” Bones replies, trying hard not to show his concern and worry his staff about the sanity of their captain.

“Where?”

Bones shows him, leading him to the table and pointing. “His hypos are clearly marked, so there’s no chance of confusion in the heat of the moment. Not that my staff would make the mistake.”

“How much would it take to knock him out?”

Bones frowns again, but Jim is so relieved that he finally has a hope of putting an end to this, that he just wants to kiss the forehead wrinkles away. “Ten cc’s is the recommended dosage.”

“What if you double it?”

Bones steps back in shock, but Jim sticks with him. He moves in close, voice barely a whisper. “Bones, what if you double the dose?”

“Twenty cc’s would put him in a coma, no doubt about it. You can’t seriously be considering hurting Spock, Jim, what the hell is going on?”

“Not Spock,” Jim whispers in reply, “Come on, let’s go.”

Jim leads Bones away by the arm, ignoring the hushed voices behind him as they leave Sickbay and head back to their quarters. Bones tugs experimentally on Jim’s hold but doesn’t speak, more likely still stunned by Jim’s questions. As they reach the safety and isolation of their quarters, Jim pushes Bones toward the bathroom. He closes the door and starts to strip, gesturing for Bones to do the same. Bones complies but voices his concern. “I’m worried, Jim.”

“I know,” Jim replies as he pulls Bones close for a kiss. “But I promise, it’ll be okay.”

“How?” Bones says, leaning away to stare into Jim’s eyes. “You just bombarded me with questions on how to take down a Vulcan, that’s something to be concerned about.”

“It’s not for him,” Jim smiles, eyes locked with Bones as he reaches over to turn the shower on. “Stop thinking about it. Come here.”

Bones stays quiet as Jim backs into the stall, water cascading down his skin. As the water starts to soak through Bones’ hair, he reaches out and tugs him into a gentle kiss.

They take their time and Jim does exactly what he has done with every loop, lavishes Bones with more attention than he can take. Even when the shower stops and they move to the bed, Bones is still the centre of attention, Jim mapping his body down to the last bare spot. And when Bones hits his limit, peaks and crashes, Jim is joining him with just the look of pleasure and contentment on Bones’ face tipping him over the edge.

“This is the last time,” Jim whispers as he strokes Bones’ hair, watching him breathing softly in sleep, “This is the last time he’s taking you from me.”

Jim pulls away with a gentle kiss to Bones’ temple, a hand ghosting along his naked chest. He sits up, watching the man beneath him breathe, determined to keep it that way.

As he starts to pull on his clothes for the second time, he feels the familiar feeling of his world shifting. Tugging his gold shirt on and brushing out the creases, Jim smiles as his world fades away.


End file.
